Gay or European
by Jewell Trim
Summary: JD has decided to voice his ideas about one of his co workers


**A/N: So based off of Legally Blonde Musical I decided to sub in the boys for this. Thought I'd give you all a laugh... or try**

 **Disclaimer, I don't own the boys or the song/song lyrics**

"Hey guys, I've been thinking about something lately." JD mused, fiddling with his pen between his fingers.

"What is it, kid?" Buck yawned, stretching in his chair while leaning back.

"Well, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I've been wondering about Ezra."

"What about Ezra?" asked Vin, becoming interested. He leaned on Dunne's desk, munching on a bag of puffed Cheetos.

"I've noticed that while each of us have mentioned some kind of love interest in our lives over the past few months, but Ezra's remained tight-lipped."

"Maybe he just doesn't have anyone right now." Nathan shrugged, walking over with Josiah to join in the conversation from where they had been taking a break in the break room.

"Or maybe, and I'm just throwing it out there. Maybe he's gay."

"What?" Vin scoffed and shook his head bemused.

"Have you not seen the evidence?" JD asked incredulously.

Just then Ezra appeared with a stack of papers from director Travis and went over to the copier to make some for the rest of the team. He noticed the others watching him closely and he gave a little wave before turning back to what he was doing.

"There, right there." JD pointed at the man across the room. "Look at that tan well-tended skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh please, he's gay. Totally gay."

"I'm not about to celebrate every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay. I say, not gay." Buck shook his head.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey." Nathan and Josiah looked at one another as they talked amongst themselves.

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks." Nathan indicated with a nod.

"Look at his silk translucent socks." JD added enthusiastically.

"There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seein'." Buck sighed.

"What are we seeing?" frowned Vin, not getting it yet.

"Is he gay, or European."

The group fell silent as they thought about it while looking at Ezra once more.

"Ohhh." JD murmured thoughtfully.

"Gay or Eurpoean. It's hard to guarantee." Nathan shook his head.

"Is he gay or European. Well, hey, don't look at me." Josiah shrugged.

"You see they bring their boys up different, in those charming foreign ports." Buck explained, "They play peculiar sports in shiny shirts and tiny shorts."

"Gay or foreign fella. The answer could take weeks." Vin sighed, "They both say things like ciao bella while they kiss you on both cheeks."

"Oh please, he's gay!" JD said determinedly.

"Or European. So many shades of gray." Buck added quickly.

"Depending on the time of day the French go either way." Nathan chuckled.

"Is he gay or European or—" the group said as one.

"There right there!" JD gained the other's attention. Chris had finally come out of his office and was talking to Ezra over by the printer. "Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro, hetero jerk. That guy's not gay. I say no way." Nathan shook his head with a frown.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume is automatically, radically, ironically. Chronically, certainly, flirtingly, genetically, medically gay! Officially gay. Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay…"

Ezra waved over the female secretary for their department, the two of them spoke while Chris was making copies of his own. At the end of the two's conversation, it looked like laughs were exchanged and she handed him her phone number.

"Damn it." The others grunted in unison. Ezra, Chris and the secretary all looked over curiously at their group and they drew closer and whispered once again.

"Gay or European. So stylish and relaxed." Buck murmured.

"Is he gay or European. I think his chest is waxed." Nathan mused.

"But they bring their boys up different. There it's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse if he wears a kilt or bears a purse." Josiah explained, looking at Ezra's desk where his 'man bag' or satchel was next to his desk.

"Gay or just exotic. I still can't crack the code." Vin shook his head.

"Yeah, his accent is hypnotic, but his shoes are pointy-toed." JD observed.

"Huh." Vin cocked his head a little to see said shoes.

"Gay or European. So many shades of gray." Buck groaned, tired of trying to figure it out.

"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday." Butted in the lady who brings up the mail. The group looked a little embarrassed at first for the topic of the discussion but when she was gone again, they got back together.

"Is he gay or European?" Buck growled.

"Gay or European?" Josiah scratched the back of his head in thought.

"Gay or Euro-"

"Wait a minute." Vin got up, cutting JD off mid repeat of the question. "Give me a chance to crack this guy. I've an idea I'd like to try."

Ezra had just finished his copies and was walking over to distribute them to the rest of the team.

"The floor is yours." Buck whispered to Vin before Ezra reached them.

"So Ezra, you got a number I see from the new secretary."

"Indeed I have. I see you've noticed while your rather non-discreet conversation over here."

"But this is like the fourth secretary to give you her number."

"Fifth, but it's not—"

"And her first name was?"

"Clarissa."

"And your secret crush's name is?"

"Chr—" Ezra stopped short before finishing and gave an accusing glare at his friend.

"Damn it." JD muttered softly.

"I believe you were giving us a name, hos. No need to stop short. We're all friends here. You know who we are all seeing." Buck prodded.

"I thought you were saying something else." Ezra cleared his throat uncomfortably. He shoved the papers into Nathan's hands before walking away to his desk and sitting down. He pretended he was typing, staring earnestly at the screen.

"Well that was a let-down." Nathan sighed, handing out the stacks to the others.

"Was it though?" Vin gave a knowing smirk.

"I feel like you know something that you're not willing to share." Buck frowned at the younger man.

"Well it's not my place to share other people's business, but if he slips it up than it ain't my fault."

"So you do know and you were stringing us along!" JD gaped, feeling used.

Vin chuckled, "I mean if you have eyes than it's obvious." He gave a little head nod back to Ezra.

The agent still looked uptight after he had sat down. When Larabee walked over to him, the blond had put a hand on the other man's shoulder, close to the neck. It looked as if he was using the one hand to work out some to the tension. Whatever was said between the two, it was done too softly and they were so close, there was barely a couple inches between their faces.

"Ohh." The others all said, finally seeing it.

Ezra showed the tiniest of blushes and after Chris was gone, he seemed to take a deep breath and relax a little more. Possibly crossing his legs under his desk.

"So you see," Vin smiled, "Ezra is actually gay as well as part European. Neither is a disgrace. He's gotta stop being a completely closet case. 'It's me, not her, he's seein' no matter what he say. I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way."

Ezra, who somehow snuck up behind them in their discussion, tapped Vin on the shoulder. If he was annoyed before by being their topic, he was completely pissed off now, though he kept his emotions professionally intake.

"You are so gay, you big parfait. You flaming, one-man cabaret." Vin placed his hands on Ezra's shoulders, wanting to shake the man to see that there was no shame in admitting who he was.

"I'm straight!" Ezra said defensively.

"You were not yesterday." Chris said a few feet away from the group, and if jaws were not already dropped on the floor, they all were now. Ezra was crimson with embarrassment while Vin only pulled his friend in for a hug to hide the complete loss of his emotions.

"So if I may, I'm proud to say Ezra's gay." Vin smiled supportively.

"And European." The others included with a chuckle.

"Okay, fine." Ezra broke away from Vin, "I'm gay."

The admission was for himself, but everyone else cheered nonetheless.

JD elbowed Buck in the side, "Told you he was gay."

If Ezra was ever in Chris's office longer than the usual, no one questioned it. Finally, being out, Ezra now boldly pursued Chris. Chris on the other hand, who was bisexual, was waiting for Ezra to come around.


End file.
